In relationships, we often believe if we find the right person it will make everything right. So we ask ourselves, “Is this the right person for me?” Maybe we need to be asking a different question—a question that shifts our focus from seeking the right kind of person to becoming the right kind of person.

The kind of person Jesus leads his followers to become is the kind of person we are looking for and, ultimately, want to become. Evaluate the type of person you are looking for and ask yourself, “Am I becoming that type of person?”

Many times, we learn from our mistakes in the areas that matter least, but we repeat our mistakes in the areas that matter most. So how can we ensure that the next time won’t be like the last time? Instead of being a conformer, it’s time to be a transformer.

Start Talking

  • Who is someone you would consider wise, and why?
  • Do you think age makes you wise? If not, what would you say makes a person wise?
  • Do you consider yourself to have wisdom when it comes to dating/relationships? If yes, how have you grown in wisdom?
  • What does “conforming” to relational worldly patterns mean to you? Give some examples in both dating and marriage.
  • Have you been influenced by any of these lethal assumptions?
    • Once I find the right person, everything will be alright.
    • My situation is unique.
    • It may not be right, but it makes me happy, and God wants me to be happy.
    • Since I know better, I’ll do better.
  • What’s your initial reaction to the notion that “time is your friend” (Specifically in regards to relationships)?

Think About It

  • Do you find yourself repeating bad habits relationally? Perhaps you can relate to Paul in Romans 7:15-20
  • What areas of your “relational life” need  transformation?
  • What practical steps can you take to engage in relationships differently?
  • Would you ever consider taking a year off of dating. What is your biggest reservation about doing so?

Look It Up

Read Romans 12:1-2

  • What stands out to you?
  • What does it mean to you to be “transformed” relationally?
  • What does it mean to “renew your mind”?
  • How does transforming your mind help you determine God’s will?

After discussing these verses , how are your thoughts on dating (or marriage if married) changing?

What Now?

Think on this: Until we see as He sees, We won’t do as He says. Ask God to help you see dating and marriage as He sees it. Then, it will be easier to “do” dating and marriage as God intends it.

Additional Resources

The New Rules of Love, Sex, and Dating by Andy Stanley (Book)
Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age by Ben Start (Book)
Chasing Vines: Finding Your Way to an Immensely Fruitful Life by Beth More (Study)
Loveology by John Mark Comer (Book)
Goodness of God by Bethel Music (Song)