When dating, it’s easy to believe that finding the right person and saying the right vows will solve everything. I mean, isn’t that what all the romantic comedies are about? Maybe it’s time we debunk these myths. We, The Church think there is a whole lot more to having a happy and healthy relationship. Let’s look at what Jesus says about how to love!


Start Talking

  • Do you prefer Lifetime or Hallmark Rom Coms? (This may be a question for the ladies, but guys…if you have to watch….which one ?!) 
  • What is your favorite Romantic Comedy of all time? 
  • While we know that real life is not like the movies, what makes common love stories in movies so appealing? 
  • Conversely, you may actually have an aversion to romantic comedies. If this is you, why do you feel this way?

Think About It

  • Have you ever fallen victim to the Right Person Myth: “Once I meet the right person everything will be alright!” ? Explain 
  • Where did your understanding of dating come from? Where did your understanding of “Christian dating” come from (if different from the former)?
  • Did you ever make a list of all of the qualities you wanted in a spouse (any church kids out there?!)? Additionally, did you ever make a list of the type of spouse you want to be? 
  • It seems more common that we have been taught (even in church) to focus on the first type of list. Why do you think this is?

Look It Up

Read John 15:1-8.

  • What stands out to you?
  • Why did Jesus use the vine/fruit imagery?
  • What does it mean to “bear fruit?”
  • What promise does Jesus give in these verses?
  • What does it mean to stay connected to Christ? What does this look like for you personally?
  • Why does it seem important to your relationships to stay connected to God?
  • Andy mentioned that Jesus’ specific brand of love requires Christians to love other people the way that He did for everyone. Does this type of love differ from the type of love you have experienced? Explain.

What Now?

  • If you are dating, what are the top three things you are looking for in a spouse? Do you measure up to those things?
  • Regardless of your relationship status, how are you remaining connected to Jesus?
  • How are you continuing to become  more like Christ in the way you love others, regardless of the type of relationship you have with them?

Additional Resources

The New Rules of Love, Sex, and Dating by Andy Stanley (Book)
Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age by Ben Stuart (Book)
Chasing Vines: Finding Your Way to an Immensely Fruitful Life by Beth Moore (Study)