For years people have tried to predict or understand behavior in an attempt to strengthen communication. One of the best keys to better communication is to understand the four temperaments. In this message, Clay Scroggins and Kathleen Edelman walk through four temperaments and show how understanding them will lead you to better communication. We hope that after today’s conversation you both understand yourself better, and those around you. Ultimately, we hope that you will love each other better after today!

Start Talking

  • Tell us about a funny time when you miscommunicated with someone? Furthermore, Do you have a humorous example of how “You said this…” but someone else “…heard that”?
  • Share a time when you benefited from someone’s words
  • When have you been hurt by someone’s words, or hurt someone with your words?

Think About It

  • Of the four temperaments (Choleric, Melancholic, Phlegmatic, Sanguine), which do you resonate with the most?
    • What words do you need to hear?
    • What words are difficult for you to say?
  • Think about someone close to you (Friend, Parent, Spouse, co-worker). If you were to identify their temperament,  how could you meet their unique needs with words? Try and give specific examples.

“Understanding the temperaments changes every conversation” —Kathleen Edelman

  • Temperament Needs:
    • Red (Choleric): Loyalty, Sense of Control, Appreciation, Credit for work
    • Blue (Melancholic): Safety, Sensitivity, Support, Space & Silence
    • Green (Phlegmatic): Worthiness, Lack of Stress, Respect
    • Yellow (Sanguine): Approval, Acceptance, Approval Affection

Read This

  • Read Ephesians 4:29 What stands out to you?
  • Describe “Unwholesome Talk”
  • What is an example of “Building someone up according to their needs”?
  • What do you think about the idea that ALL of our words are intended to benefit others? What are some examples of this? 
  • Words that ‘benefit’ might also be difficult words. Share about a time someone has said something hard to you–that benefited you?

What Now?

  • What are some practical ways we can use the four temperaments to improve our relationships? (i.e.,work, children, spouse, significant other)?
  • Does someone come to mind that you could build up with the power of words
  • How can you use words to meet the needs of the people around you?

Additional Resources

I Said This, You Head That by Kathleen Edelman (Book)
What is your Temperament (Video)
Additional Scripture: Proverbs 18:21, James 3:1-12, Proverbs 11:25